thirty five

Can I really be halfway to 70?


A few friends have given me a hard time for looking at my 35th birthday in this light. But if you know me then you know I'm not a glass half full kinda gal. It's more that thinking of my birthday in this light is affording me a wider view. Knowing this milestone was approaching, I've been taking stock of my life as a whole a little more in recent weeks.

I don't know how many days or years are ahead for each of me. But here a few things I do know:

I definitely have more laugh lines than last year.

I'm so grateful for the gifts of Tim, Maia and Eliana. While it's always a privilege to spend your life serving others, these months following our sabbatical have been immense for us. Tim and I are often saying saying to each other some version of : "I don't know exactly where I'm going, but I'm glad I'm going with you!" The girls have been a slice of heaven in these intense days. Eliana must have said to me three or four times over dessert tonight, "Happy birthday to YOU, mommy!" Pure delight. Would you believe that Tim and the girls hunted down a spelt chocolate cake recipe and baked a cake for me while I was out teaching? As if. It was waiting for me when I got home from teaching tonight alongside homemade cards, party hats and a bottle of red wine. I would have completely understood if he had just needed to be a pancake while I was out. He's a star.

I don't take for granted the gift of friends with whom I can be fully honest and still fully loved. With each passing year, I understand more deeply what a treasure each true friend is in my life.

I feel in the last couple of years I've been given a clearer view of God's dreams for me... at least for this season of my life. I've been amazed what doors He's been opening, sometimes with just a quiet knock and other times with no knock at all. I am grateful beyond words for His leading.

I've also been on a journey of honesty. Mostly with myself. This year has also probably afforded me the deepest understanding yet of my limitations, my vices, my shortcomings. At times, I still resist them and try to live as though they didn't exist. (Mostly, this tends to look like trying to meet more needs than I have the time or resources for.) But in the long view, I think I'm able to be more honest with myself than I've ever been. It's been an essential journey for me. I'm still on it.

I suppose 'grateful' is a good word to sum up where I'm at. Grateful you care enough to read what I've written. Grateful to be even able to be able to write it. Grateful to have another year to write about.

I guess the more life I live, the less I take for granted.

Yeah, I'll embrace the extra laugh lines in exchange for that.

muhozi

All my adult life I've had a sponsor child. Either as a teacher or an individual or as a couple, now as a family, I've had the privilege of helping to provide an education, family health care and community development at so little personal cost.

Muhozi is our current sponsor child with Compassion. He's been with us since he was just starting school. Now he's in Grade 6 and about to take the National Exam in Rwanda. He adores soccer more than he can put into words and writes us letters about how the national 'football' team is faring. We love his letters. Of all the kids I've sponsored, Muhozi writes the most personal letters. The kind that aren't all syrupy and scripted, but kind of raw and give you the feeling that you really are getting to know him. We had seriously looked into Africa for our sabbatical. It's a place I've dreamed of all my life. We would have loved the chance to meet Muhozi. Maybe one day.

Our girls are now old enough -- especially Maia at 5 -- to understand a bit of what it means to sponsor a child. Even Ellie can understand we have a faraway friend who we write to and get letters from. Today we received a new letter from Muhozi, which we read to the girls just before dinner. Then after dinner, the girls stayed at the table to draw pictures for him while Tim and I wrote him a birthday card and found a family photo to send. Muhozi is always asking for a current photo. And always trying to figure out how old 'the baby' is now. (This time, it's a pic of Tim with his full 'sabbatical beard'. Muhozi's going to think I've remarried!) The girls loved preparing their pictures and we loved doing this as a family. I think this will be a new family tradition.

Here they are with their drawings. You'll notice Eliana is now very much into wearing princess dresses. And peeking at the LCD on the camera....

pigtails

Look who's hair is long enough for pigtails!

This kid is growing up way too fast.

school, sisters and sillies

In recent months, Tim and I will watch our 2 year old Eliana (2.3 years to be exact) and ask, "Did she just grow up overnight?" Sometimes the changes are subtle. Sometimes they are striking.

Today is Maia's first day of Senior Kindergarten. (Sorry, no pics -- camera still won't take pictures, only videos.) She thought it supremely unjust that the older kids got to start two days ago. She seemed mildly relieved to know that the JKs had to wait even longer than the SKs for their first day. Her new shoes had her giddy with excitement. For show and tell, she wanted to bring Eliana. After a myriad of other suggestions, she settled on her swimming badge, her soccer medal and a photo of her soccer team. Maybe she'll be open to me taking a video of her reaction to her first day when she gets home. Not likely!

So perhaps it's just because it was my first day at home with Eliana that she seemed more grown up today, but I think not. All week she's been coming out with these funny one-liners that I keep thinking I'll remember to write down later, but then can't recall. So today I determined to write them all down as they came. Here's a sampling, just from today:

Eliana: Can I put on my babing [bathing] suit? It's upstairs.
Me: Don't you think it's too chilly for swimming today?
Eliana: It's a GREAT day for swimming!

Picking raspberries together in the backyard. One has started to expire.
Eliana: This raspberry needs a bath.

Eliana: Bye bye! I'm going to school.
Me: Who will be your teacher at school?
Eliana: [Big smile.] Maia.

Me: Ellie, what do you want to be when you grow up?
Eliana: [Another big knowing smile.] Maia's sister.

And these statements were totally random. Totally out of the blue:

Eliana: I want to spit on you.
Me: You want to spit on me? That wouldn't be very nice.
Eliana: Yes. And don't pee on mommy.

Eliana: I want to go to the garage but we don't have a garage. So I won't go.




I caught Eliana on video this week, putting scoop after scoop in the dog's bowl without a word to anyone. Was Phil the dog ever loving that. The funniest thing to me is that she kept dropping the kibble and as she would reach down to pick it up (well, whatever the dog wasn't getting first) the bowl would tip over and she would drop more. Also, she really likes to use the word 'because' these days but doesn't always have enough to say to make a compound sentence. So she'll end up saying things like, "He wants to eat the food because he wants to eat the food." Too cute!