the venti mocha

Okay. Mocha with Mo warning. You may need a two litre mocha for this one. Skim if you like (milk or reading style... your call). Or just enjoy the pictures. If you care to read it all, make sure you’re not in a hurry. This one’s for the dearest ones who want the venti update.

We’re a month and a half into this unique gift of a season in our lives called ‘sabbatical.’ I think it’s taken me about this long to really settle into this new rhythm of life enough to even feel ready to write about it. (Do my three guest bloggers give me away?) Clearly, now I have more to write about than I thought!

As I’ve been reflecting on our time so far and what we hope for yet to come, I think our experiences are pretty much falling into two categories: what we’d really hoped for and what we definitely hadn’t! Of course so much of life is our journey through the expected and unexpected. And just maybe inviting added changes into our lives (read: taking a sabbatical) sets the stage for even more of the unexpected. So here they are... the first installment of delightful and not-so-delightful surprises from this season of ‘intermission’ for the Doherty clan.

DELIGHTFUL SABBATICAL SURPRISES

This North Carolina home is a haven. On our daily walks up and down the steep lane and down the quiet road, we are more likely to encounter animals than people. (Of course, we LOVE people but this season of life is in part a pulling away, so this is mostly a welcome change.) Set on the side of a mountain with such natural surroundings, the house itself was designed for repose and has all the conveniences we might hope for and then some, including a room for each of the girls and a breadmaker for making bread for the wheat-sensitive members of our family – nice! Ooh... and a gas stove that I’d like to take home with me. Think they’d mind? The lovely retired couple who built this home sent us some photos before we committed to come but we couldn’t have known how fabulous it really was until we arrived. A setting for true rest and adventure. I am enjoying the unveiling of the gardens as the snow melts. It would be such a treat if things would green up yet while we’re here.

I have been relishing the time to read and journal and pray in a more concentrated way. Time that has often competed with the fullness of days but is now available to me whenever the girls are sleeping. I am hopeful that some of these rhythms of life – these really meaningful and essential disciplines that I often neglect for other things that seem more important but generally aren’t – can be carried over into life back at home when some of the old rhythms and demands return.

I think I’ve read about a half dozen books so far. I’ve loved them all. The pace has slowed since I began Philip Yancey’s “Prayer” because it is so rich and, well, because it makes me want to stop reading and pray more. Go figure. I’m already looking forward to a second read sometime, hopefully with friends. I think I’d gain a lot more from reading it a second time and chatting about it and praying together with friends. Before we left, I searched the house for our copy of this book but couldn’t find it. Perhaps another case of a loan to a friend that I forgot about? Even the second week into our sabbatical I was feeling like it was missing from my stack of books – that is was a book I should really read in this time away. So what a fabulous surprise to find a copy of the book here at the house. That made my day. Speaking of books, I’ve never been in a home with such a huge library. There are bookshelves in every room and hundreds of titles that I’d love to delve into. Life is too short for so many good reads. But then, I’m also wondering if folks like C.S. Lewis and Spurgeon were on to something in thinking that it is more valuable to read fewer books many times over than to take in many books and adopt actually very little of what’s read. Hmmmm...

The deer! Until the last couple of weeks when the snow started to melt, we enjoyed almost daily deer sightings from the house or on our walks. We town folk are all so taken with these graceful creatures so close up. Two weeks ago when my parents were here en route to Florida, we watched about seven deer searching for pre-spring nibbles all within a stone’s throw. (Don’t worry, we didn’t actually throw stones.) When a young one grazed over to the greenhouse, we all snuck downstairs inside the greenhouse and stood within a few feet of it on the other side of the glass, wondering when it would notice us. We must have been there for five minutes or more. Though the home’s owners are less thrilled with deer on the property (they can do a number on the gardens), we were completely enamored. Maia was particularly fascinated and not too disturbed to find that one of the deer had been taken down (by coyotes maybe?) not far from the house. It was a good chance to talk about the food chain. And Tim particularly enjoyed watching our neighbour’s dog play an extended game of tag with another deer while out on a run. First the dog chased the deer around the field, then the deer took its turn chasing the dog. No joke! This week we actually watched two neighbour dogs just hanging out with a deer at the nearby stream. One of the dogs was literally laying down beside the deer. Is this normal behavour? We don’t know. But we are really fascinated by it all!

It probably sounds strange to most people, but we really love the Church. And although we miss our church families in Zurich and Clinton, we’re also grateful for a unique season of our lives when we can visit other Church communities that we’d normally never get to be with. Still, we haven’t wanted to be ‘spiritual tourists,’ so to speak, so we’ve not been moving around every week but have been with two churches in the area a couple of times each and we will likely be regulars at one for our last few weeks here. These two communities are so very different from each other but we have loved being with both. Both have been spectacularly warm and welcoming. The rector at the local Episcopalian church was the one who connected us to the owners of the home we’re living in. We’re so grateful she would make this connection without ever having met us. The songs their choir have shared have been particularly beautiful and meaningful and are reminding me how much I miss choral music – both being part of a choir and being a listener. The other church is a more recent church plant and it’s clear that they value newer music and being down-to-earth and relevant. What we’ve been encouraged by the most is that where some would sacrifice depth – even truth – for modernity, it’s clear they’ve been able to connect with people drawn to the ‘current’ without losing an ounce of the relevance and power of the gospel. The first time we were with them, the pastor (who Tim has since had coffee with and who we’d likely be great friends with if we lived here long term) was willing to carve out the majority of his speaking time to interview at length an older lady who had such a history of disappointment and abuse in the Church that she was completely disillusioned with Christians and with God and understandably reluctant to want to be close with either. To see her get to tell her story at length, to voice her disillusionment and hesitancy in this safe place and then to be surrounded by a group of women of all ages in prayer and genuine affection brought tears to my eyes. There was such a beautiful extension of grace and love, healing even, happening in our midst that reminded me of our beloved Kingsfield family and how beautiful the Church was designed to be. Yes, I guess we just love the Church and continue to have such high hopes for Her in spite of all her failings.

Maia’s long absence from school meant that she actually had to be taken off the roster at school, meaning that I am officially her teacher for now. In spite of my teaching career, I was never very sure that homechooling would be a great fit for Maia and I, but we have loved it. We basically carve out the morning for reading, writing and then something on the creative side. Funny that it is at times easier to manage a room full of kids at the same level than to meet the needs of just two preschoolers. Eliana will only join us with reading or colouring for a couple of minutes at a time and isn’t often interested in playing by herself for longer stretches. So every now and then, Tim will drive into town to study at a café and run some errands and he and Maia will make a date of it. They both LOVE their times together and Eliana loves having a day every now and then when she can have all of her mama’s attentions. Some other homeschooling parents we connected with at one of the churches connected us to a really well-run group at the local university that runs a Phys Ed program for homeschooled kids twice a week so we’ve started to take advantage of that too. Of course, Maia eats up every chance to play with other kids. We all love our family time together, but really, this Mom and Dad just can’t compete with a five-year-old that will grab Maia’s hand and run around for an hour squealing in delight.

Family time... Yes. We are all cherishing this. Last night, Tim and I simply sat back after dinner to watch Maia dance her little heart out before bed. No evening meetings to dash to. No obligations. No phone ringing. I know it won’t last forever, but we are relishing the chance to make our own schedule for now. When a warm sunny day emerges (we’ve had a few – you?), we know we’re pretty fortunate to be able to schedule study and schooling for another time and just take the family out to make the most of it. Tim and I have always loved the mountains and forests, so we’re looking forward to even more chances to explore the area. Did we mention we honeymooned down here? Tim even took Maia snow tubing on the same mountain we stayed on the week we got married.

Dancing Maia – must tell. Maia has become so interesting and so expressive in her improvised dance. She’s taken her dance class moves and added in ideas from all the dancing she’s watched – including youtube videos and Olympic ice dancers – and is completely uninhibited in trying new things as she moves around lyrically and with great conviction. I never really imagined this sweet surprise when we had kids... getting to watch them create and just enjoy being alive. This home has a CD collection to rival the library, so it’s also been a great surprise to get to introduce our little dancer to a wealth of new music: jazz, classical, flamenco, folk, old musicals, more celtic music for the little Irish lass, even local Appalachian fiddle music. The other day, I asked Maia what she was thinking about as she was dancing to a lyrical piece, completely absorbed with her whole being. Her reply: “I’m thinking about Abby... Nipa... (the dogs here)... butterflies... deer... the rabbit... and sometimes I feel like a jet when I dance.” I am really looking forward to seeing what God and she do with this beautiful expressive gift he’s given her.

I have appreciated having more time to be creative too. Not so much with the dancing though. I don’t know that everyone is wired up this way, but I often feel something is missing when I go a long stretch without creating anything. I suppose that since we’re made in the image of the Ultimate Creator, it’s not surprising that we would be designed to create. I love the thought that we are really ‘co-creators’ with God (a thought borrowed from Madeleine L’Engle and others). For the first half of our time away, I decided to create in ways other than songwriting. This is in part self-imposed and in part imposed by Lionel, our jam-packed station wagon who wouldn’t tolerate the thought of a guitar or piano. I have particularly enjoyed creating in the kitchen – inspired in part by new cookbooks and cool cookware that hangs from the ceiling magazine-style. (Tim jokes that he doesn’t bother telling me that something is so good I should make it again because I’m likely to just create something new again the next day. I guess we don’t eat a lot of repeat meals unless they’re leftovers.) I spent a few evenings working on an online photo album of our family’s last two years. Fun to go over those memories and have a reason to peruse older photos of the girls especially. Last week I started devoting my evenings to painting. I’m enjoying it so much that these days I can hardly wait for the girls to go to bed! (Is that bad? Just being honest.) About a year ago, I bought some canvasses and paint from a local artist in Zurich with the dream of painting a series for our living room. Never could get to it. When I knew the sabbatical might afford me the time to actually paint, we somehow squeezed three canvasses in the wagon. Thankful that Lionel did agree to those. I quickly realized I wouldn’t be ready to stop at three so I picked up more canvasses and paint this week from a fantastic (read: cheap and bountiful in supplies) local art store we just discovered. Maybe I’ll share my creations on here another day when I’m feeling braver.

Oh, and I must mention our visitors. We have had two sets of grandparents come and spend time with us here. Both have been such a gift to the girls and us. My parents (Oma and Opa) stayed for two nights en route to Florida. Opa is clearly Eliana’s favourite person on the planet right now. Only fair, since Oma was Maia’s favourite when she was that age. And by favourite I mean better than Mom. Even today, Eliana randomly said, “Opa. Funny!” as she was thinking about him.

Our honourary North Carolinian grandparents, LaJune and Emmit are better known as Nai Nai and Ye Ye. They earned the Chinese names for Grandma and Grandpa, since Tim and LaJune traveled to China together when he was a new believer. LaJune adopted Tim as a son, and when we married, I became a daughter. Our girls are fortunate to have grandparents not only by birth but also two very special pairs of adoptive grandparents. Being that we live so far from them, LaJune & Emmit hadn’t seen Maia since she was about 8 months old and had never met Eliana. So they came to a hotel about a half hour away and we visited for a few hours each day while they were here. They spoiled the girls with gifts and were so thoughtful as to bring pictures we had sent the last few years so the girls understood that they were important to them. Mostly, they spoiled us all with their undivided attention. And as if that weren’t enough, they are generously giving us their air miles to fly out west during the second half of our sabbatical. Wow. The girls SO enjoyed the chance to swim in the hotel pool with these doting grandparents. Most days, Ellie still reminds us: “Pool. Hotel.” and asks “Nai Nai?” “Ye Ye?” We know we’re entirely blessed to have so many grandparents – by birth and by adoption – in our lives.

Without a doubt, one of the deepest delights we have had over recent weeks is watching Maia’s heart soften towards us and towards God. I couldn’t say for sure whether this is because of our increased time and attentiveness towards her or because of some changes in the way we are approaching our parenting and discipline or simply because God has heard our prayers and is doing His beautiful work in her heart. All we know is that such good things are happening in her. We’re so grateful. (And she’s suddenly taken to calling me ‘Mama,’ a term of endearment that I much prefer over ‘MOM’ and “MOMMEEE!”. I hope it sticks. I like it.)

NOT SO DELIGHTFUL SABBATICAL SURPRISES

Maia came down with the flu the week before our sabbatical. Ellie got sick the night before we hit the road for two days. Naturally, Tim and I were due next. I deeply hoped we wouldn’t get it while packing up or on the road. And we didn’t. Instead, we both got it the day after we arrived in NC! I’m sure it would have been quite comical to watch Tim and I negotiating whose turn it was to reluctantly peel themselves off the couch to make sure the next snack or drink or potty trip was covered. What a day. It was a stretch just to take care of the girls’ basic needs. It totally whipped us. After a couple more days, when we were at last well enough to get out, we were snowed in for three more days. Fortunately, we had just enough food to get through. But truly, if we had to have the flu at some point, I would have definitely chosen to have it once we arrived as opposed to when we were on the road. I suppose there is an up-side to just about everything.

So... contentment. That is a relevant topic around here these days. Our generally joyful Eliana has surprised us with some long periods of being discontent in recent months. For one, she has been cutting her eye teeth since we arrived here. I’m told these ones are particularly painful. One tooth in. One to go. We have also been suspecting that there is more going on with her health-wise and we have begun to wonder about one or more food intolerances. We cut out dairy this month for her and that may be helping some. We’ll give it more time and see if it helps her overall happiness factor... it’s hard to tell when she’s still teething. One thing is a sure thing with her – she is happier outside! And... new development: when wearing pink butterfly wings.

You might think that sequestering yourself to a remote location in the mountains with the family you love sounds like pure heaven. At times it is does have great hints of heaven. But it’s also been a big adjustment, especially for me. Our friend Phil warned us that the first week of sabbatical would likely be a rough one. I didn’t really believe him. But Phil, you were right. Except that I think the changes have taken longer than a week for me to embrace. Okay, I think I’m still trying to embrace some of them. A big one is, as Tim put it, the ‘emotional and geographical distance’ from those I love. My sweet introverted hubby has found our sudden distance a welcome opportunity to delve into his reading (and journaling and prayer) for hours at a time. For more extroverted me, to be so plugged into so many lives – with joy and yet at times the feeling that I’m not loving anyone as well as I’d like when I care about so many people – and then suddenly to be unplugged... well, it’s both welcome and unwelcome depending on the moment. I said to Tim the other day that there are days when I am genuinely grateful for our place in the world in one breath, and surprised by ‘cabin fever’ the next. Moments of pure contentment, out walking the quiet road with the girls, are followed by moments when I miss being able to walk to the grocery store or to a friend’s place for a playdate.

To keep our costs down, we opted for wireless during the Olympics, which was really great, but now are only online about once a week in town. Having no expectations of responding to email every day is truly a freeing change, but then I sometimes feel edgy when I have no way to check local weather or news or a recipe idea or just something I want to show Maia online. These luxuries haven’t existed for most generations, so why do they feel like they are so painful to give them up? Our computer at home got way too much of my time before this sabbatical so it’s not a bad thing to have no home connection, but it is a big adjustment. There are also times when I miss making music but I know it will come again. There are also times when I really long for spring. I know it is on the way too. It’s been a long winter – and it feels longer knowing that we planned to go somewhere warmer for our sabbatical and got snowstorm after snowstorm instead. I feel the same way about the weather that I do about the internet. I don’t want it to be a big deal! There are so many other things that really matter... you know?

This time away has meant one other big adjustment for me. Morphing from years of a full daytimer to weeks that don’t seem nearly as purposeful or meaningful on the surface (though they likely are!) has challenged me to leave behind my ‘human doing’ status and truly be a human being. It has challenged me to believe that being fully present and loving to my little family and my Maker is right where I’m meant to be, as noble a thing as going to offer crisis help in Haiti or meeting with someone who is grieving a loved one and wants a song written in their memory. Before I left, some very dear girlfriends who had the foresight to know that I might struggle to live a more simple life encouraged me to fully embrace letting go of all the other roles I’ve adopted for this season to focus on just being a wife and mom. In those moments where I’ve been tempted to think that what I’m doing is ‘not enough,’ I’ve gone back to those strong and beautiful words. Thanks girls.

So in many ways this sabbatical for me is an invitation to choose contentment. Why, even in this season of God’s great generosity in our lives, is it all too easy to focus on what is missing instead of the blessings in my lap? I think my invitation in those moments is to acknowledge my thoughts and be honest about them, to make a change if I need to ... but more likely, to decidedly take my thoughts off myself and focus instead on the One who has my best in mind in ways that I can barely comprehend.

So there’s the journey so far. Knowing that people we love care about the details – enough to make it all the way through a venti-sized post – is a gift to us not only because of your interest in our lives but also because it’s really good motivation to journal about the journey of our lives and hearts in this kind of detail. I suppose it’s similar to us meeting for coffee with me doing all the talking and you giving the gift of listening. Kind of one-sided, isn’t it?

Thanks for listening so well.

Love Monica